Welcome

A little about me

I was born and raised in upstate NY and now live on Long Island with my family. I am a social worker by trade and a mom to two beautiful babies…one that I get to watch grow and one that I hold only in my heart. My husband and I are blessed to have a beautiful, smart, sassy daughter who is 4 going on fourteen (or so it seems). We also have a son Benjamin who died when he was 9 weeks old in a tragic accident. Benjamin’s life and loss changed our lives in so many ways.

As someone who deals with end of life, death, and loss on an almost daily basis for work, I thought I was equipped to deal with this tragedy and to keep my family going….boy was I wrong. When the loss is yours and it is completely unexpected - it is a whole different monster. I was lucky however to find myself surrounded by some amazing family, friends, and professionals who were able to guide me and my family through what was the worst time of our life. 

If you have found this blog because you experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or lost a child of any age, please let me start by saying how sorry I am. This is a terrible club that no one wants to join but unfortunately we are here. This loss is something that you will carry for the rest of your life. While it is heavy now, I can tell you that you do learn to live with it. You will never hear me say it gets “easier” because in my opinion carrying on with your life without your child is anything but easy.

I wish I could sit with you and be whatever you need - someone to yell at, a shoulder to cry on, someone to just sit quietly and “be” with. I would love to hear your baby’s name and their story, no matter how brief or long. I would love to hear about all the people who love your baby and all the dreams you had for them. I hate that you have had to experience such an indescribable loss and are now dealing with such a complicated grief. I hope that this blog brings some support in knowing you are not alone. 

If you are here because someone you know or care about experienced a miscarriage, stillbirth, or loss of a child and you want to figure out what to do next, please know you are an amazing person for wanting to support your person as best as you can. I do not have any special knowledge or magical words that will make this go away, but I do have the experience of knowing what helped and did not help me and my husband in our darkest days. 

I hate that you all need this information, but I am glad you found it. My biggest goal for this blog is to let you know you are not alone. There is a whole community of loss mamas and loss dads out there who can empathize with what you are going through. In a situation that feels so helpless there is one thing we can do -  We can supportive of each other to try to make our terrible situations a tiny bit more bearable.

Sending love, strength, and support your way, 

Ashley